Making Icing in the Rice Cooker, and other truths universally unacknowledged

Hi.

It's me.

The blogger formerly known as dependable.

Mimi.

I've missed you, and the guilt of not talking with you has caused me to put off talking to you even longer. And then I woke up, looked around, and it was March.

Oops.

Sorry.

I love you, don't leave me!

No, really. Don't leave. I have fun and exciting things to tell you. And they begin with alcoholic cupcakes.

Are you ready?

Wait. Just a minute. I need to go stir the frosting that's warming to spreadable viscosity in my rice cooker. Because microwaves are for squares, man.

Right. Back to typing.

~*~

Several months ago (or two severals, let's not get hung up in the details) I moved to Abu Dhabi to start teaching English to high school girls. For the past two several months, that is what I have been doing. And here's how teaching goes:

If you teach girls, your day is longer than if you teach boys. Why? Because the (segregated) schools share buses, and boys go home first. If you teach primary (Cycle 1) your day is longer than if you teach kindergarten, but shorter than if you teach high school (Cycle 3). I teach high school girls. My school day is roughly 19 hours long. 

Okay, maybe it's closer to 9 hours, but still. 730 to 330 is long, especially when you add a 30 minute (very short compared to the potential 90-minute commutes some teachers have) commute on either side of it. And it's a very draining day. There are 7 lessons a day in my school (other schools have 9-lesson days, but their lessons are 45 minutes each, which in reality means they're 30 minutes each, and it's basically untenable unless you have blocked schedules, which most schools do not....but I digress). 

Teachers do not have classrooms, students have classrooms. The kids stay in one place (more or less - mostly less) all day, and the teachers come to them. For any teacher readers I have, you will recognise that this undermines any sense of authority you might have, right from the start. Again, untenable, but it's what happens. It also means I share my classroom with 10-12 teachers, teaching 10-12 subjects, and I do that for 3 different classes. So I can't have a seating chart, I can't be at the door when class begins, I can't post educational bits and pieces or student work or anything else unless I do it in triplicate. 

This also means I haul all of my classroom necessities from one room to the next, all over the school. And since our students aren't to have the responsibility of taking their "textbooks" home with them, I have to carry THOSE all over the school, too.

It's all just a bit silly, if you ask me.

On the other hand, I have an office. I share this office with 5 other truly awesome English teachers. Our department, at least, is centralised.

~*~

Another Very Special Part of working in Abu Dhabi: sick notes. So, we have 15 sick days per year. However, in order to get paid for these sick days, we have to get sick notes. Behold, the sick note process:

Wake up in the morning feeling rather UNlike P Diddy, decide you just can't teach, as you're puking, sneezing, and practically dead. Text your school (HoF, Vice Principal, and carpool at the very least). Then decide if you're human enough to go to the hospital.

If you're very fortunate, you have found a place that makes appointments, takes our insurance, and can squeeze you in between rounds in the bathroom. If you're not that fortunate (or, like me, not that organised), you go to the local hospital's clinic. And then you wait. It's like ER for non-ER cases. 

So you see your GP, explain your problem, and get a prescription for whatever (usually Panadol, which is Tylenol), and go get stamps. The Clinic has to stamp your sick note. The hospital has to stamp your sick note, the HEALTH AUTHORITY has to stamp your sick note. By the time these things are completed, it's between noon and 3pm - IF you started before 8am. If you decided to get a little sleep before going to the hospital clinic, and get there around 9am, chances are you won't leave the hospital before 3pm. The health authority closes at 3pm, so you will have to go another day to get that stamp. Or send a non-teacher friend to take care of that little issue for you.

THEN you have to scan this sick note, along with the school form, into your computer and upload it into a last-century online document tracking system. If you're lucky, your sick leave will be approved sometime before the end of the month. And recuperation? You know, getting rest so that you can come back to school refreshed, healthy and ready to go? Dream on. You don't get sick time for THAT, silly!

~*~

Paper shuffling is an art form here. The more people who have to approve something (anything), the more people are employed. Government oversight is massive. Behemoth, one might say.

Whatever. I guess the challenge of the sick note (I mean, sometimes your sickness doesn't require a doctor, sometimes it's just a cold) stops people from calling out sick. Except until it goes around the whole office and half the school and people are dropping like flies. For real. And instead of one sick person, there are twelve, and no one to cover your classes. It's not really a functional system, but it's a system, and it works for someone. And they're paying me amply for the paper chase, so again: whatever.

~*~

And the great and mighty bureaucracy brings me back to the beginning: alcoholic cupcakes. 

You wouldn't think it, but alcohol is ample and readily available in this Muslim country. Of course, it is overseen by the government, too, as controlled substances are. In order to legally purchase the alcohol required for my Irish Car Bomb cupcakes (Bailey's, Jameson's and Guinness), I need a liquor license. For that I need a letter from my employer, a salary statement, a copy of my ID (lol, the ID), passport, proof that I'm not Muslim (Muslims cannot legally purchase alcohol, as it's not permitted in Islam), and an application. And a fee to pay, of course. 

Like everything else, making cupcakes is a process. Only, here, it requires weeks of the great paper chase in addition to things like finding cocoa powder (not too difficult) and bittersweet baking chocolate (impossible - substitute 70% cocoa bar from the candy aisle). Also, you learn to make do in the randomest ways in the kitchen. 

I don't have a mixer...so I use a fork.

I don't have a mixing bowl...so I use a pot.

I don't have a double boiler...so I use the rice cooker. 

I don't have a stove, so I use the hot plate.

I don't have an oven, so I use the toaster oven.

I don't have a microwave, so I use the rice cooker again.

Seriously, how did I live without a rice cooker?

~*~

In the end, St Patrick's Day weekend was as louche in Abu Dhabi as it is in South Carolina (Where? I hear you ask. South Carolina? wtf? Just trust me, ok). And the cupcakes...well, apparently, they were amazing. Perhaps made all the better due to the sheer effort required to make them.

I hope your holiday was at least as splendid as mine. And I hope your life has slightly less bureaucracy going on. But if it doesn't, well...at least we'll always have cupcakes. And homemade icing in the rice cooker. 

A Note About Authentication

I am not sure why document authentication presents such a difficulty for so many of my fellow US LTs, but it is. So I'm going to break down my authentication process thus far. Perhaps it'll help.

First and foremost, GET STARTED EARLY!
If you haven't got your passport, get your pennies together (currently $140 plus the cost of passport photos - get extras, as they're multi-purpose when travelling) and get down to the post office today. Seriously, today. Passports can take 6-10 weeks to process (though it's never taken mine that long), and with a thousand or a million other people applying for their passports as well, why on earth would you wait?

Now. I only had two documents to authenticate: my teaching certificate and my Masters degree. I started the process on 28 February and just got back my last stamp and seal today. That's a month and a week. And I am fortunate to have the essential forms and formats already in my files, and to live in my state's capital city. That and paying for overnight mail in both directions cut my time down significantly. But here's the breakdown:

• Had copies of my 2 certs made, added a note stating "This is an authentic copy of the original document", took copies - and originals for notary to compare - to a notary public (found at your local bank often enough). I signed the copy in front of the notary, who notarised my signature. 2 hours finding a notary and figuring out exactly what was needed, 2 minutes to get the stamp, seal and signature. No fee.
• walked my 2 notarised documents into the Secretary of State's office. I called them first to make sure I knew what to do and where to go. (If you're not 100% sure what to do, always call first!) Requested a "foreign use stamp", got an authentication of notary for international use (nobody actually has a foreign use stamp, regardless of what Teach Away advised). 20 minutes, $2 per document. Sometimes it's good to live in South Carolina.
• Mailed notarised, authenticated documents to the US Department of State with an attached form/cover sheet found on the State Dept website. Elected to pay for express mail (overnight shipping) in both directions. $8 per document, plus $18 per express mail envelope. Took a full month to receive documents back from the State Department with signature and seal affixed.
• Mailed notarised, authenticate documents to the UAE Embassy. Also enclosed a letter (emailed to me) from my university declaring its accreditation. For extra assurance, I also printed off a copy of the accreditation record from the CHEA website. Again with the express mail cost. This step cost $30 per document, plus mail fees. Time: one week. 

If you have documents of identification (marriage certificates, birth certificates, adoption certificates, or other miscellaneous items (divorce & letter from ex-spouse permitting child to leave the country, death certificate for your child's other parent, etc), those documents follow a slightly different authentication process - basically, you have to get them directly from your State, not get notarised copies (the copy sent from your records dept will be notarised or whatever already), and carry on from there. These documents will take longer to get, and if they're from other states or countries, you must get them authenticated at the Secretary of State for the state (or equivalent for country) of the document's origin. (Certificates can be notarised anywhere.) 

Key item: Photocopies must be notarised and authenticated in the same state. And a notary will only do an in-person notarisation (because he's authenticating your signature, which he/she can't do unless you're signing it in front of them). So do what you can locally.

I think that's all I have for today. Other than a small celebration that I have all my paperwork completed now. And another celebration that it was far less effort-intensive than the stuff I had to do for my UK work visa. 

So I'm going to work. Happy paperchase, everyone!

One Day.

Well, so I completed my paperwork. The part I could do, at least. I made copies, had them notarized (at a bank - that's where the notaries are!), and had them stamped by the SC Secretary of State. The copies cost 50 cents, the notary was free, the seal from the Secretary of State cost $2 each. I have only 2 documents that need to be authenticated: my teaching certificate and my Masters degree. This makes everything easier...and cheaper.

By noon (inclusive of about 2.5 hours chasing from one government building to another before I discovered I just needed to go to a bank to find a notary) I was done. I went to the post office, got a money order for $16 to authenticate my documents at the State Department, and paid to have everything overnighted (both there and back) to DC.

It may take 3 weeks for the State Department to process my request and send my bits of paper back...so that I can send them to DC again, this time to the UAE Embassy. This mailing back and forth will take a bit of time, but I should have everything in order by the end of March. And really, the first half of my authentication process only took one day.

That is pretty stellar, and quite an improvement from the several weeks horror stories I heard from last year's applicants. One of the perks of living in a state capital.

***

Later this week I am actually going to start packing. I have 2 suitcases. They are the ones I bought when I moved to the UK (speaking of which, I turn green with envy each time I read the Teach Away discussion threads created for UK/Ireland applicants. I want to meet up with everyone in London too! /whinge) and are pretty massive. Also they're excellent for packing. And wheeling through airports. Well, wheeling up to the check-in desk, at least. Sturdy too. And I have stuff that I'm pretty determined to take with me that I shan't be needing before I go (my boots - which I really won't need until Christmastime, when I plan to go to London - a few bits of clothes that don't currently fit but which I love too much to give up, personal records), so why not store it away in my luggage?

But that's for later. For now, it's all about the paperwork.

Also reading books.

And studying Arabic a bit.

And detoxing.

And going to the gym.

And doing facebooky stuff.

Collecting Stamps

Today I received my teaching contract via email. I was surprised, as I expected to hear next week, not this. If Teach Away keeps surpassing my expectations like this, I'll be in the UAE before I can even buy sunscreen!

The contract is fairly straightforward. It's for 2 years, offers right about the pay I expected (and that, I admit, made my sister a bit jealous), and includes all extras mentioned (such as flights, furniture allowance, sick leave and probationary time (the first year). I will be flying out of Detroit, which should please my family, and I shall finally be able to pay off my student loans!

Next step is getting my documents authenticated. I only have two documents, happily: my teaching certificate and my degree. And I live in the state capital, so I should be able to get the first two steps (notarized and stamped by the Secretary of State) done Monday!

We have to get all these signatures and seals and stamps on color copies, not on the original documents.

There will be a fee at each step, for each document. For the first two steps, though, it is nominal. All it will take is time. (And, given my experience getting things done with South Carolina government offices, it'll probably take all day.)

After you get the "foreign use stamp" from your Secretary of State, it's off to the US Department of State. It's $8 per document there, and expect it to take 4-6 weeks. (That's what the website says, anyhow.)

Last step is also the most costly, $30 per document. Once you have all the correct stamps and seals and signatures, it's time to send your bits of paper off to the UAE Embassy. Last step! Well.....for now.

After reading about all the problems other people have had getting their paperwork in order and completed in a timely fashion, I don't foresee too much trouble here. The steps seem clear enough. So far. Ask me again on Monday.

Useful Information

from December 2010

I realise it's been awhile since I posted anything useful. So today I'm going to remedy that by giving you a paperwork update.
Three months ago (I can't believe it's been that long already!) when I received word that ADEC wasn't hiring secondary teachers for December placement, I kind of went into suspended animation for awhile. Instead of using that time to collect bits of paperwork from around the country and around the globe, I focused instead on finding work that would not utterly destroy my soul in the (now) year before I leave (hoping, of course, that I'll even get hired with ADEC, which is always but a hope until the contract is signed). Some might call that change of focus practical and responsible.

I suppose it would've been more practical if anything much had come of it. Oh well. That's a story for another day.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I started hearing about new applicants and THEIR paperwork quest. And that's when I realised, I hadn't done a darn thing but study Arabic (I'm up to about 60 words and havealmost got the alphabet figured out). And I thought, Get on the ball, Amy!


So on the ball I have got. Happily, I have a portion of the required paperwork from my last international sojourn. And while that one didn't end well (I came back to America, and ended up spending an entire year working retail. Part time.), it did give me some useful experience. Better still, it gave me a whole sheaf of already-scanned documents. And referees from two different countries. Win.

Of course, now it's holiday time. So getting in touch with teachers and principals and department heads, etc, to get your reference letters is a bit of a challenge. Challenge met! I have heard from my three referees just yesterday and expect letters in the mail soon. And I have another one from my last adventure.

Which leaves me with the following:

• passport-size photos (purchase to have on-hand, also scan and upload)
• certified teacher certificate (have on-hand, just need to scan and upload)
• background check (I'm going the county sheriff route, just need to take the time to get downtown)

I feel good about this. Other than the letters of reference, everything's do-able in about 2 hours. So even though I slacked off on my paper collection for 3 months, I'm still in good shape for January interviews. I just need a presentable interview blouse. And (alas!) a pair of pantyhose or something.

Checklist

from October 2010

The good thing about suddenly having almost a year before taking off for the other side of the world means I have time. Time to ignore rumours and hearsay - or at least take them with a Very Big grain of salt - and seek out actual facts. And I have time to filter through the scads of information...and actually seek out information.

And I have time to get organised.

Ah, organisation. It really is a nice thing. At least when it comes to paperwork. And that's where this list (straight from ADEC via Teach Away) comes in. For those of you who were wondering, this is what you need to bring to your IPI. This year, anyway. Terms and conditions are always subject to change.

1. passport-size photos: 4 physical AND in jpg format.
2. pasport details page: 2 colour copies AND in pdf format.
3. highest certified degree: colour copy AND in pdf format. (Certified is the key word. The one you have hanging on the wall behind your desk is not.)
4. completed security form (which you'll get from Teach Away): original, signed w/passport-size photo attached - don't skip the religion question*. The religion you write in must be a named religion.** And if you're Muslim, indicate sect.
5. current/most recent teaching cert: colour copy AND in pdf format. Make sure it's certified (the one you have framed probably is not.)
6. current CV or résumé: printed copy AND digital (pdf or MS Word). Your CV must detail and be supported by documentation of qualifications, teaching license and years of experience.
7. recent (within the past year) CRC: original. You can get your criminal record check through: state police or FBI. Prices and time it takes vary.
8. 2 letters of reference: originals. Teach Away does not provide an online reference capability or a form. If you don't already have your reference letters in your portfolio, get them.

Notes:

Do not submit originals (unless specified). Make sure hard copies of documents are clearly labelled with your name and recruiting agency (Teach Away in my case). Digital copies must be submitted on a CD or a USB memory stick, and files must be labelled as follows:

All digital documents must be submitted in a single electronic folder named: SURNAME_Firstname (e.g. SMITH_John)

Individual files within the above named electronic folder should follow this naming convention: SURNAME_Firstname_document (e.g. SMITH_John_passport)

*For Jewish applicants...well, you're in a bit of a sticky spot. Make sure you have no Israel stamps in your passport, as Israel is not recognised as a nation by the UAE or most ME nations (this goes for all applicants, regardless of religious affiliation). While my research (minimal, I admit) does not show Jewish people are barred from living and working in the Emirates, this could prove a stumbling block for your future employers.

*part 2: Americans, if you are negligibly or not at all religious, being American pretty much makes you culturally Christian. That's how pollsters come up with those percentages (The US is 84% Christian) every election year.

**A named religion does not include atheist, secular humanist, nihilist, polygamist or any other -ist you can think of (except Buddhist...so almost any other -ist). Keep it simple, friends.

Most of this paperwork is easy to collect and can be done for under $10 at Kinko's. Or at home if you have a scanner and a spare USB drive. Getting certified certificates (highest degree, teaching cert) can take a couple of weeks and may or may not include a fee for the service. Passport photos can be done for under $20 - and really, having a stash of them floating around will probably come in quite handy overseas. Same goes for colour copies of things like your passport page, etc. But I've mentioned this before. Depending on where you have it done, your CRC could take anywhere from a few minutes (some county sheriffs) to a few months (which is the time listed by the FBI, but is about 2 months longer than my CRC took when I got it from them).

My portfolio

Look how professionally it stores all your documents (including a couple of stand-out lesson plans).

Packing and Paperwork, not necessarily in that order

from September 2010

From the moment you authorise a criminal background check to about a month (or more, depending on your future travel choices) after you return to your home country for the last time at the end of your contract - or contracts - you will spend a lot of time dealing with government agencies.

Blame the paperwork process.

Here's what you need, in short order:

1. Passport. Duh. If you haven't got one, or if yours has less than a year left on it, take care of that NOW. Get thee to a post office! (By the way, though it may be cheaper to get your passport pics at Walgreens or similar, the convenience of doing it at the PO is worth the $15. Unless you have a large number of people coming with you. Then, by all means, save!) Additionally, if you have a stamp from a visit to Israel in your passport, you may wish to ask someone at Teach Away about any concerns. The UAE, like most ME countries, does not recognise Israel as a nation.
2. Background check. You can try your local sheriff's office, or your state PD. Me, I went right to the top: FBI. Since I have moved around rather a lot, I thought I'd cover all my bases. Additionally, it's faster and cheaper than getting a CRC from my state. No, I'm not kidding. Dealing with the State of South Carolina has been good preparation for dealing with future paperwork frustrations overseas. Plan on $25ish and 12 weeks at the most (FBI says 12 weeks, but my experience has been 3-6).
3. Certified Teaching Certificate. This is where it gets exciting, as with this document you begin to go through the repetitive authentication exercises. PLEASE NOTE: The certificate you got in the mail, the one you keep in your professional portfolio of important papers (or have frames on your wall, or whatever) is probably not certified. You need to go to the certification board of your state (or country, but I only know about the US) and request acertified teaching certificate. It's just another stamp, but you gotta get it.
4. Certified diploma(s). You officially only need your highest degree (for me it's a MA), but again, chances are VERY good that it's not the diploma they mailed you after graduation. Contact your school's registrar to get the proper certified certificate.
5. optional: international driver's license. Go to AAA; it costs $15 at last check. Take care of this item a little nearer your leave date (like right after you HAVE a leave date. or potential leave date. or you've been offered a contract, at least), as it is good for 12 months only.

Once you have items 3 & 4, you will need to send them (or authenticated, notarised?, copies; I'm not 100% clear on this yet) to the Secretary of State office. (I believe this is for the state from which they were issued, but it may be the state in which you now live - for me, these are 3 different states, but again, that's why I chose to go the FBI route rather than the local route for my background check.) At the Sec of State, they will be authenticated by the State Authenticator or some such person. Once they come back from the State Authenticators, you will need to send these documents to the State Department in DC for the National Authenticator to authenticate them. Then I think they have to go to the UAE embassy. But I'm not sure. Additionally, all of these steps cost money. And time. So start getting things sorted (at least steps 1-4) ASAP. Perhaps even before you have your in-person interview, or else about 2 seconds after your interview is completed.

All of these bits of paper, with the appropriate signatures and stamps and seals affixed, are necessary for you to get your resident's visa in UAE. And without that Very Important Sticker in your passport, you won't be able to do things (with ease) like rent/buy a car, utilise your bank account, smooth your transition overseas. I promise, speaking from experience, you want to do anything you can to ease the paperwork transition overseas. Everything is twice as difficult to accomplish when you're out of your home country (paperwork-wise), and that difficulty increases exponentially when your new country does not speak the same language or even operate by the same basic principles (of time, urgency, convenience).

Take it from someone who's been there: it's no fun feeling stranded on the other side of the world with no money, no communication, and no way home. Of course, it always works out, but the waiting is quite unpleasant when you're down to your last penny.



Other tips:

• Make 5-10 color copies of the signature page of your passport.
• Have a dozen or so passport-size photos made. You'll need them.
• For your own sense of security, photocopy and itemise everything before you send batches of paperwork to different government agencies. Leave this set of photocopies with a trusted person in your home country when you leave.
• In-country, before you hand over your visa'd passport to ADEC (this bit I've gleaned from the discussion boards, of course, as I've never been to the UAE), make several copies of the visa-stamped page too. This will ease the car and appliance and bank shopping/using. A lot. In fact, renting a car without that stamp can be impossible.

From a packer's/traveller's perspective, you may also find it useful to create an itemised list of the contents of your luggage. You may also find it useful to NOT over-pack. Bring some (not a ton of!) clothes. A few pairs of shoes. Toiletries. Your laptop, a journal, Very Important Papers, a few mementos, and money. Mostly, pack money. In the form of credit cards, ATM cards, travellers cheques and actual cash money (maybe a little bit in Dirhams (Dh), but do your main changing there, as there may be no fees). Everything else you can (and should) probably buy there.

DO NOT pack more than you can carry/move by yourself. Learn from my experience: nobody needs 3 massive suitcases full of stuff. It is THE biggest pain in the bottom to wrangle your luggage through the airport, onto a bus, into a hotel or B&B, etc. Keep your luggage light. You DON'T need those 12 pairs of shoes (I'm trying to convince myself) or those 15 books. Amazon delivers world-wide. So does zappos. And HELLO! The whole world goes to the UAE to shop! Chances are, you'll find what you need there. In spades.

yes.

vs

no.

Oh. Also start practicing your British English. The ADEC English curriculum is modified from an Australian curriculum, and they're using British, not US, spellings. (I think it's practising. Also theatre and centre and colour and anaemic.) We'll discuss pronunciation later. Or, you know, never.

Half an Update

from September 2010 

Questions...answered. Work dress = floor length skirt (or loose trousers, but I'm going skirt), top w/sleeves past the elbow. Cover the chestal area (no cleavage...that means turtlenecks for me!). They say dress shoes, but I've read sandals. Just not flip flops. Yay.

I started transferring a few pennies into my savings account. That may have been stupid; I may have to take them right back out.

Now I'm getting my background check done. I asked which I should get (Teach Away said state or county was fine) considering I've only lived in my current state for a few months and will be getting my ID here in a few days, then decided on my own to go ahead and get another FBI background check done. It's less than $20 and takes as much time as anything else. It's actually cheaper to have the FBI do my background check than the state of South Carolina. Ridiculous, much?