Frivolity

In the stress and the drama and the sheer volume of work to do in order to pack one's bags and move to the other side of the world, we often forget to relax.

Well, I say "we." I don't mean we at all. Relaxed is my preferred mode of existence. I say we, but I mean "they" - people, others. My fellow teachers. The people with whom I am making this adventure, for better or worse. I will be perfectly honest here and say that this is my number one fear: that everyone will find out exactly how flighty and trivial I really am all my fellow teachers take their jobs Very Seriously.

Because I don't.

Now, before you dismiss me as one of Them, those fly-by-night, doing-it-for-the-money, doesn't-care-about-the-kids TEFLers who are secretly still on spring break... Actually, dismiss me as such if you like. I'm not entirely fly-by-night, the money absolutely plays a part in my decision to move to Abu Dhabi, and I do care about the kids--but it is not my purpose on earth to save them.

Teaching English is my job. Did you catch that? My job. It is not who I am, it's what I do in order to earn money so I can carry on living in some comfort. It is not my raison d'être. I am not a save-the-world type. I'm a see-the-world type.


Not that I don't do my job. I do. And I mainly enjoy it. And I like to think I'm pretty good at it (once I know what's going on). It's just not my sole purpose in life.  And I'm not going to save the world, or the children, or the whales. I'm just going to teach English, and probably some related things, quite by accident. If I'm lucky, I'll teach independent thought.


And those kids will be awesome. And/or terrible. And my administration will be awesome. And/or terrible. And no doubt I'll learn oodles. I always learn oodles. Like where all the coffee shops are in a 5 mile radius. How to get lost, and then found, and then lost again. Enough of the local language to get by or at least get started. New concepts of fashion. Where to go to watch the water. Pop music. And everything else!


But whilst all this Very Important teaching and learning and career advancing is going on, I refuse to let it suck me down into the vortex. I expect to thoroughly enjoy my life, wherever it takes me. And this, I know from experience (after being the only person in a group working overseas to actually insist on taking a day off to go shopping), is perceived as being flighty and empty-headed. Saying that my favourite colour is glitter or spending unhealthy amounts of money on pretty underpinnings or tweeting through the September issue of Vogue or going out for a latte when I should be saving money for something else...these are all dismissed as the activities of a woman who needs to get serious. Whereas I feel these are the actions of a person who has decided to enjoy her life, every bit. And if that means I buy flowers instead of bread, drink wine while marking papers, go swimming while fat, laugh out loud while reading, well...


Then I guess that's what I am.


Frivolous.








There. Now you know. Judge me as you like. 


(I just hope that there are a few of you out there who also prefer to enjoy the ride...while wearing sparkly shoes...)

When I don't post here...

When I don't post on my Official Moving To Abu Dhabi And Leaping Into The TEFL World blog, it's either because:

a) facebook has stolen my will to blog

b) facebook has stolen my will to live

c) I'm ranting somewhere else

d) I'm thinking VERY HARD about writing something for me, instead of for posterity

or  e) I'm busy.

Today, though, I started reading a blog from another teacher who went to the UAE last year. Her blog doesn't end well, but it's so interesting to read! And, I mean, even unhappy endings have their place. And this teacher posted something interesting and amusing seemingly every day during her wait to go to Abu Dhabi! That inspires me and makes me wish I was a better blogger (wish I were a better blogger? well, wish my antiquated grammatical rules were clearer, at any rate). Maybe I should strive to be amusing and entertaining (and sometimes informative) every day!

Maybe I should spend less time with my group of teachers on facebook.



Maybe I should go to the gym more.


Maybe I should eat less refined carbohydrates and drink more water.


Maybe I should. Alas, I mostly amble through life taking the path of least resistance and having a good time. (And teach to the best of my ability and the highest of my students' goals, of course!)




But.....I think I prefer to enjoy life. Maybe this is the thing that will see me through the dark days of confusion and cross-communication that not doubt lies ahead until I get my bearings in Abu Dhabi (well, that and the fact that I need this job something fierce): when all else fails, at least I can still have a laugh. Sit back, relax, let life happen as it will, rather than try to force it to conform to my ever buoyant expectations.

One thing I fear, going back into schools, is getting sucked into all the drama. Drama happens, and I kind of just shut down. That's my defence mechanism: turtle.

Are you done yet?

But schools - or more specifically, schoolteachers - are a tidal force of drama. We act out, each in our own ways but eerily similar to the ways our students act: primary teachers tell, secondary teachers clique up, and middle school teachers do a bit of both. And once the drama starts, it's REALLY hard to stop. Especially when you're me and want to listen to everything everyone has to say about whatever issue is supposedly at the root of any given drama.


(Note for posterity: just about all workplace drama - all manufactured drama in general, come to think of it - is an issue of pride, and whose pride is going to be sacrificed on a given day. Bleh.)

I am so not into drama that when I am bent on creating my own (and let's face it, everyone has those moments), I go to my rant blog. Everyone should have a rant blog. Mine is set to super-extra private and is not attached to my other blogs. It is where I go to express my psychological ugly side. Some people use actual journals instead of blogs, but I like the blogging. It feels like I've put my negative energy away from myself. Journals are great for secrets and writing trashy novels and making lists (my journals are all half shopping list, half daydream), but secrets and lists are things to be kept. Ranting is something that, when I'm done with it, I want far from me.

And then I listen to some classic Tim Minchin or Russell Brand clips, have a laugh, and carry on with my life.


Still not posting.

Until something comes up.

Which it hasn't.

Yet.


Thank pete.









(ps - sometimes, when I'm in a really dark place, I watch Josh Groban on NMTB or listen to this song. And I can't help but be happy again!)

pps - or this:

best song in the WORLD

I'll be honest

...the nerves have set in in full force. I am slightly relieved to hear some of what to expect (you, dear imaginary reader, shall hear more after my interview), but have begun to dread that maybe I won't get hired.

Let me be very clear: I don't have a back-up plan! I have been aiming toward this, thinking, planning, hoping toward this for over six months now - quite to the detriment of making any sort of permanent plans in the US.

This is how I feel (sans leg warmers and jazz hands, I mean):

Now, for balance, I must say that I feel great about this job. I have been planning toward it for six months - probably more than most of the applicants. Not just thinking about it, but actively preparing: researching, reading, studying, discussing. One of the girls at work teaches immersion French, so I've asked her questions about how it works, and more important: how to begin. I've been identifying my problem areas (long-term planning, mainly, and perhaps over-flexibility). I've been reviewing and retouching my teaching philosophy (in a nutshell: it's a philosophy of "yes", but I shall wax philosophical later).

In addition to all that, I've worked overseas before, teaching in England and Thailand, and living or working in Ireland and Jamaica. I've taught ESL students in the US. I speak a smattering (a very small smattering - a pattering, maybe, or a sprinkle) of a few languages and have been studying Arabic for a few months to the point that I can begin to read it. I can write in British English at the drop of a hat, so no worries about teaching my students the wrong spellings.

But. There have been a few people who have come back and not been hired. The interviews sound more challenging this year than last. What if I'm too fat? Appearances matter in Abu Dhabi. And while I know for a fact that I'll lose weight once I get there (I always do), what if they take one look at me and say, "No effing way."








Writing this relatively short post has helped me to organise my thoughts and put away my baseless fears for the moment. I'm off to revise a bit more for my interview!